so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
