One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
