:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
