Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
