Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
