Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
