No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
