I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
