Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn