I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital