My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.