so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
