I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.