Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.

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(207): View more from Maine

I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

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(703): View more from Virginia

so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

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(325): View more from Texas

I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.

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(951): View more from California

I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street

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(989): View more from Michigan

She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive

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