Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight