Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
