i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
