Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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