I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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