his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
