i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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