Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
