9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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