I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
