if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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