I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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