They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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