Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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