So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
