it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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