it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
