hotel room ftw
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
