In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
