my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We smell like vodka and hangover
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