She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
