I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
