The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
