I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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