also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
