then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My ass is underappreciated
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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