census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
