Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
