She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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