Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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