this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
