she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
