Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
