we're blogging at a bar
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
