is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
