I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
