yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
