had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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