I'm jealous of your bromance
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
