hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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