So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
