after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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