i barfeds in our rink
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
