I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
