Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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