it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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