She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
