There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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