She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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