i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
