I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
