super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize