I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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