got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
