I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
