I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
