Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
