Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize