So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
