I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
