I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
