the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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